The Story.

So you probably dont know the whole story of why i'm so bitter with guys.. here it is in a somewhat  condensed form.

Name was changed to protect identities.

I loved him with all of my heart and he supposedly felt the same way. I told him everything. He even knew about my eating problems. He would stop talking to me for months at a time and then talk to me as if nothing happened. One of those times I found a new guy (Matt) that was using me for sex. I loved him still.. he didnt like my new guy. I left Matt for him. What he doesnt know is i did still talk to Matt and had occasional hookups BUT before you think im a whore he was also "in love" with another girl.. he denied it but his myspace said differently.

I moved past it and trusted him.. I guess thats my mistake. About a year went by and we were happy but things went down hill around january.

He left..For another girl..AND DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT HER.

He said he "just couldn't cut it with me anymore" yeah thats what he said. Exactly those words.

He said we could still be friends and talk SO I texted him one day.. she answered. Thats when I found out. I called every number and he ignored it. He knew I was pissed.  He was with her for 2 months. Every day for two months I cried and felt like dying. I tried to commit suicide.. more then once.

He still called when they were together and said he missed me.. that really screwed with my heart. They broke up.. he came back to me and I took him back without a question. He said he was done with her.. he lied.

We were getting closer again and things finally started to be okay.. until everything changed. He hardly talked to me and was a dick when we did talk. One morning my friend told me about his facebook staus... and how he was going to hangout with her.

I texted him freaking out. I was sobbing and I felt like dying. I puked soooo many times. He finally responded saying the staus was there BUT they didnt hang out.. I really dont believe him. He called and we talked. We decided too much had changed between us and it wouldn't work.

Now we hardly talk.. that is unless he has a problem and nobody to share it with, only then will we talk. And I'm always there for him since he was mostly there for me. He has no idea how the things he did impacted me.. He never will unless he happens to find this.. Which he wont.

Honestly it pushed me to starve more and try to be pretty enough.. I guess I never got there.

He told me no matter what he would leave..

That was a fucking lie.

I hope his next girl is everything I wasnt. I hope hes happier with her... not really I hope his life sucks after the shit he did..

But at the same time...

I hope he never puts any other girl through what he put me through. That isn't okay. At all. He tore me apart to the point where I will never be the same person I was. I'm afraid to trust. I'm a lot more needy.

And he left me with nobody..

Sorry it's long. I'm crying and typing and trying to think of reasons I even want to live at this point.

I just wish he knew how bad he hurt me and how fucked up everything is now.. All becasue of what he did.


If anybody actually read this whole thing thank you. I feel like hell and I feel like nobody understands the pain. It hurts.. bad.

And thats the true story of how the most important person in my life tore me apart and killed any sense of hope or happiness I had left.