Fuck My Hopeless Life

Do you ever have really shitty days where you want to curl up in a ball and die? Yeah thats what i'm feeling. He texted me finally. I confronted him about my fears and he told me he couldnt make any promises that he wouldnt leave for another girl. I've never cried this heart. I spent 2 hours pouring my heart out to him and he decided we should talk about it another day. My best friend hates me for getting back with him and I hate myself for not having a serious relationship.

Today was full of binging. I can no longer control myself. The more I cry the more I eat and the more I hate myself. I'm a stupid girl and I never shold have trusted him again. If he cant promise a serious relationship (like meeting my parents which he still hasnt done after 2 years) then I will force myself to move on. I love him but I need somebody to make me happy and to look out for me.

The whole situation is like romeo and juliet. Him and I do love each other, his best friend hates me and mine hates him, as well as the best friends hate each other. We are constantly surrounded by people speaking negatively about the ones we love yet we can't pull away so we decide to be together. Except here's the twist. We're bothing cheating bitches (thanks to out best friends that encourage it) yet we still try to be together even though we should move on and find happiness elsewhere. Now we just need our tragic ending whether it be
A) We both move on to different people
B) I kill myself
C) I develop dangerous habits that tear us apart and slowly kill me and my future.

One of those ideas is definately more likely but I will not disclose which one so as not to raise flags of intrest or worry.

Anyways tomorrow intake plan:
Skip breakfast and lunch but chew on some gum throughout the day-50 cal
Dinner: Pickle
Snack-100 calorie pack

Total:150 calories.

I will probably puke after talking to him because when i'm anxious i puke so maybe less, we'll see how it goes.

Oh yeah and i'm going to the gym tomorrow and finally getting my lazy ass back in gear.

Thanks so much for spending your time on listening to me ramble, i'm just alone and you guys are all I have. I will be turning my frown upside down with or without him shortly.. I just would prefer to have him. <3 Stay beautiful and be stronger then me.