Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunny Sunday
I decided I needed some color so I got on my swim suit and fell asleep outside. Bad Idea. My back is totally burnt beyond belief and it sucks. I'm incredibly pale so it doesnt take long for me to get burnt and I was asleep for a good hour and a half. To make it even better guess what! I also got bug bites in the areas I got sunburnt. Its spectacular.
So anyways intake the past 3 days was awful. Tomorrows the start of a new week. My goal is to stay under 800 calories. Same as last week, exceptttt I'm not allowing myself to have any diet pepsi, my all time love. The only liquid I will drink will be water. Even better news, i'm spending 3 nights with my sister and she adores sweets, as do I. This should be interesting. Thinspo will be posted.. probably a lame one but its still something.
Oh yeah and one more thing, MET AN AMAZING NEW GUY!!! :) CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THAT! :D
Friday, July 29, 2011
Survey I Found....
I found an interesting story and I thought I would do it and share it with any one else that stumbles upon my blog
Age: 15, 16 in 3 months
Height: 5’4
Weight: 113Dress Size: S-XS?
Goal Weight: 90-100 lbs
Favorite Diet Food: pickles! <3
Favorite Binge Food: Cookies
Favorite Exercise: Swimming
Where Do You Slip Up: anytime at night usually.
I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[X] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[X] hungry
[X] thirsty
[X] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[X] starving yourself
[soon!] participating in a fast
PEOPLE -
[X] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[X] call me fat
[X] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[X] say I’m pretty
[X] spread rumors about me
[X] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[X] wish I’d eat more
[X] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos
I WISH -
[X] I was THIN
[X] I had a better body
[X] I didn’t have to eat
[X] I could control myself
[X] I was under 110lbs
[X] I could avoid food
[X] I could hide what I am
[X] I wasn’t fat
[X] I was pretty
[X] I could stop being ana/mia then maybe I would be a little more normal
I LOVE -
[X] feeling hungry
[X] seeing a difference when fasting
[ ] shaking
[ ] being weak
[X] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[ ] green tea
[X] diet pills
[X] being able to turn down food
[X] feeling good about myself
APPEARANCE -
[ ] I am shorter than 5’4.
[X] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[X] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[ contacts ] I wear glasses.
[X] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[X] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ a few ] I have freckles. (only in the summer,or when I’m tan)
FAMILY -
[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[ ] I’ve run away from home.
[ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[X] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[X] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I’ve had children.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.
RELATIONSHIPS -
[X] I’m single.
[ ] I’m in a relationship.
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[i hold on and refuse to let go..] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[..Like crazy..] I miss someone right now.
[X] I have a fear of abandonment.
[X] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced
[X] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[X] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[X baggage.. and jewlry/clothing] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
SEXUALITY -
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[X] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[X] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[X] I have kissed a stranger.
BAD TIMES -
[X] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[X] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills.
[X] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point.
[X] I shut others out when I’m upset. .
[X] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[X] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[X] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm.
[X] I’ve woken up crying.
[X] I’ve lost weight.
[X] I’ve gained weight.
[X] My weight holds me back.
[X] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I’m at my thinnest.
[ ] I’m at my biggest.
[so far..] I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
[ ] I’ve lost weight but gained it back.
[X] My weight affects my mood.
[X] I weigh myself daily.
[X] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me.
[X] I thrive on compliments.
[X] I feel bigger than people who are my size.
[X] I feel happy when I’m hungry.
[X] I get depressed after I eat.
[X] I’ve skipped a meal.
[X] I’ve thrown food away.
[X] I’ve spit food out.
[X] I’ve fasted.
[X] I’ve taken diet pills.
[ ] I’ve used laxatives.
[X] I’ve purged.
[X] I exercise.
[X] I exercise so I can eat.
[ ] I work out secretly.
[ ] I work out daily.
[X] I exercise to counteract eating.
[X] I’ve fainted from exhaustion.
I’VE DONE -
[X] I keep my eating habits a secret.
[X] I have a diet blog.
[X] I look at thinspo.
[X] I collect thinspo.
[X] I’m doing this for me.
[X] I’m doing this for someone.
[X] I’m doing this to prove myself.
Age: 15, 16 in 3 months
Height: 5’4
Weight: 113Dress Size: S-XS?
Goal Weight: 90-100 lbs
Favorite Diet Food: pickles! <3
Favorite Binge Food: Cookies
Favorite Exercise: Swimming
Where Do You Slip Up: anytime at night usually.
When Did It Start?
Hating your body: A little in 6th, a lot in 7th, totally in 8th up to now..
Hating your body: A little in 6th, a lot in 7th, totally in 8th up to now..
Restricting/counting: Freshmen year (9th grade age 13)
Does Anyone Know: Only 1...
Do You Want Help: I have an amazing ana buddy helping me, recovery wise-hell no.
How Many Calories Do You Consume a Day: 0-1000
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror: A broken girl with disgusting legs and a long way to go
Does Anyone Know: Only 1...
Do You Want Help: I have an amazing ana buddy helping me, recovery wise-hell no.
How Many Calories Do You Consume a Day: 0-1000
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror: A broken girl with disgusting legs and a long way to go
Are You In A Relationship: not anymore..
Are You Depressed: diagnosed..no. Do I feel it... every fucking day.
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide: yes
Ever Been To A Psychologist: Never.
Are You Depressed: diagnosed..no. Do I feel it... every fucking day.
Ever Tried To Commit Suicide: yes
Ever Been To A Psychologist: Never.
I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[X] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[X] hungry
[X] thirsty
[X] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[X] starving yourself
[soon!] participating in a fast
PEOPLE -
[X] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[X] call me fat
[X] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[X] say I’m pretty
[X] spread rumors about me
[X] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[X] wish I’d eat more
[X] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos
I WISH -
[X] I was THIN
[X] I had a better body
[X] I didn’t have to eat
[X] I could control myself
[X] I was under 110lbs
[X] I could avoid food
[X] I could hide what I am
[X] I wasn’t fat
[X] I was pretty
[X] I could stop being ana/mia then maybe I would be a little more normal
I LOVE -
[X] feeling hungry
[X] seeing a difference when fasting
[ ] shaking
[ ] being weak
[X] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[ ] green tea
[X] diet pills
[X] being able to turn down food
[X] feeling good about myself
APPEARANCE -
[ ] I am shorter than 5’4.
[X] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[X] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[X] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/had braces.
[ contacts ] I wear glasses.
[X] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[X] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ a few ] I have freckles. (only in the summer,or when I’m tan)
FAMILY -
[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[ ] I’ve run away from home.
[ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[X] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[X] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I’ve had children.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.
RELATIONSHIPS -
[X] I’m single.
[ ] I’m in a relationship.
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[ ] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[i hold on and refuse to let go..] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[..Like crazy..] I miss someone right now.
[X] I have a fear of abandonment.
[X] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I’ve gotten divorced
[X] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[X] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[X baggage.. and jewlry/clothing] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
SEXUALITY -
[ ] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[X] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[X] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[X] I have kissed a stranger.
BAD TIMES -
[X] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[X] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills.
[X] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point.
[X] I shut others out when I’m upset. .
[X] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[X] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[X] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm.
[X] I’ve woken up crying.
[X] I’ve lost weight.
[X] I’ve gained weight.
[X] My weight holds me back.
[X] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I’m at my thinnest.
[ ] I’m at my biggest.
[so far..] I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
[ ] I’ve lost weight but gained it back.
[X] My weight affects my mood.
[X] I weigh myself daily.
[X] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me.
[X] I thrive on compliments.
[X] I feel bigger than people who are my size.
[X] I feel happy when I’m hungry.
[X] I get depressed after I eat.
[X] I’ve skipped a meal.
[X] I’ve thrown food away.
[X] I’ve spit food out.
[X] I’ve fasted.
[X] I’ve taken diet pills.
[ ] I’ve used laxatives.
[X] I’ve purged.
[X] I exercise.
[X] I exercise so I can eat.
[ ] I work out secretly.
[ ] I work out daily.
[X] I exercise to counteract eating.
[X] I’ve fainted from exhaustion.
I’VE DONE -
[X] I keep my eating habits a secret.
[X] I have a diet blog.
[X] I look at thinspo.
[X] I collect thinspo.
[X] I’m doing this for me.
[X] I’m doing this for someone.
[X] I’m doing this to prove myself.
So yeah.. thats me.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Typical Thursday
Today was pretty normal. Not really any surprise. Intake went as planned and I just had a lazy day. Tomorrows intake will be gruesome and unmentionable. I'm having a long awaited girl's night with my best friend. Good news because I miss spending time with her and its been a really rough week because guys totally suck. Bad news because she loves food. Loves. As in shes planned out the food we are eating already. I did a rough outline and colorie overview on it. Its practically a non stop calorie buffet and it adds up to around 2700. Gross. My willpower has been shitty. I practically eat everything thats set in front of me. Its bad and needs to stop. Ive lost 2 pounds which is awesome news but after tomorrow i will probably gain it all back. I hope all the other girls out there trying to get totheir goals are doing better then me.
After this week i'm going to get strict with myself. Seriously. I was thinking about a juice fast but i'm not totally sure yet. My plan for August is a daily intake of 200 calories and lower with one day a week being only water. I'm not toally sure if I can do it but I have to at least try.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
White Wednesday
So I understand White Wednesday is an unusal post name and I will now be explaining the reasoning behind it :) Today was a white wednesday because i've fell in love with white chocolate chips and have been sucking on them all day. Theres 70 calories in 33 chips which isnt great but isnt too bad if your looking for that amazing white chocolate taste. Today was an amazing day and I'm determined to reach my weight loss goals.
Meal Plan for Tomorrow:
Breakfast- Nothing. (I'm usually not up for breakfast anyways)
Lunch- Pickle! <3 the most amazing 0 calorie treat I can't live without.
Dinner- Snack bar thing= 160 cal
Snacks- Gum=20 cal White Chocolate Chips= 210 cal
Grand Total: 400 cal
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Terrible Tempting Tuesdays
Needless to say today sucked. It started with high hopes and I did well for quite a while until I saw a comercial for dairy queen. Once I justified that in my head I also justified McDonalds. Intake was still under 800 but I feel terrible and worthless. I'm so incredibly stressed and depressed and I keep letting sad songs play on my iPod and tear me apart. If anyones reading this im sorry for such a shitty outlook but today i'm practically self destructing. Tomorrow will be better. Not sure about thinspo today but I suppose I probably should do at least a little so I remember what I'm doing all this for. Intake tomorrow will be minimal to make up for my ickyness and lack of willpower today.
Stay focused and remember what your working for, perfection. <3
Monday, July 25, 2011
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